Dante DuBois. He’s ShamWOW!

Dog baths and ShamWows.

So, how much water does your dog hold?

My dog is a bulldog mix out of Taylor County, Florida. He and his sister, who is fawn while Dante is blue, made their way into Pinellas County by way of downstream relinquishment agreements with a backyard breeder. Dante DuBois is a brilliant boy and holds 20.72 liters of water. I know this because metrics, math, and a test squeeze series of his tail. His tail holds .71 liter of water. I rung it out three times, found the median, and extrapolated square cm of fur from the rest of his measurements.

Dante his first week in our home. He decided within a few hours that looking over the couch was his jam.

I chased him into corners with a measuring tape to take those. I averaged, eyeballed, and came up with 4748 square cm of dog. Not including his head because he shoved it under the couch and I couldn’t get the data.

Dante can sop up 20 liters of water from a half-filled bathtub like a biscuit in gravy. He leaves half that in the two towels on the floor afterwards. I use a “drying” towel to pretend I’m getting him dry. He knows I’m pretending. I know it. The towel knows it. Only Earth’s gravity can get water off this dog. He’s leaning into me now as I rub his head with the “drying” towel which is unnecessary because I never soaked…