Ibis fold up like lawn chairs.

Matching the local wildlife with your house.

And other reno non-HOA tips.

“How do you attract all those birds to your property?”

It’s early yet, we’re missing a lot of grifters.

An older gentleman driving a newer SUV. He’s taken his window down three quarters way resting his chin on his left hand in a most Elementary Watson way. Silver rimmed black-tinted sunglasses glint back at the morning sun.

His wife leans into his driver’s space to look out the window. “Yes! How do you do that?”

“Those white birds look beautiful in your green lawn against your blue house. Your remodeling is really coming along! Just lovely. How do you get them to come in?” He puts the SUV in PARK. He’s staying until I make this clear to him.

His wife nods and grins, “Yes! How lovely to have them. And what kind of ducks are those over there?”

Ducks will stare into your windows waiting for movement so they can grab your attention and remind you that you suck and you’re late with the food service.

“Muscovy.” It’s my turn to grin.

“Spectacular. Your home and yard look like a picture in a magazine! So what do you put out to get those birds?”…